Okay I really need to rant about this
So, for a while now, I’ve been torturing myself by reading American feminist blogs and articles. As some of you may already know, I’m from Finland, the happy little place of 5,3 million inhabitants in North Europe, where winters are damn cold, food delicious and women generally thought of as “naturally beautiful” - woman enhancing her looks with self-tanning, excessive amounts of make-up and such is not necessarily frowned upon, merely thought of as little weird, especially amongst older people - so their beliefs may seem just a little too extreme for my taste.
There have been many things that have surprised me as I have browsed through the “American Internet”. One was how you seem to use everything scented. Like soaps, menstrual pads, everything - the unscented option, or even something for sensitive skin, seems to be the exception - and second one was the complaint about peer pressure for one to “enhance their looks” unnaturally, how a woman using make-up makes things worse for those who don’t share their habits, and that’s why everyone should stop it. The third was how little you people seem to know about sex. That might be a little exaggerating, but it’s just a terrible shock to me every time I find a girl older than me who has never masturbated, a woman who doesn’t know what a g-spot is, people saying using vibrators is cheating, men who don’t know what a clitoris is, people who think that normal penile odor is disgusting or a foreskin is unnecessary and dirty… The examples are numerous, and they are always from the U.S.A. I way too often get this feeling that sex and everything related to sex seems to be weird and scary to you. It’s not like we don’t have problems too, I’m saying that our attitude towards naked bodies, odors, functions and sex just seems more relaxed. Of course, I need to keep this in mind when writing this, but I know that avoiding terrible misconceptions is impossible, so please do forgive me.
The first thing that pisses me off is the conversation circling around the female orgasm. I’ve seen people who actually think female ejaculation is a sexual myth, merely made up by men who find it sexy, and women who want to please them. I don’t think I even need to say what’s wrong with this. Seriously. Apparently what once again happened in my bedroom couple of days ago was merely me pushing urine out during a faked orgasm just so I could turn on my boyfriend. But, the thing I really need to talk about is the vaginal orgasm, how merely 30% of women are capable of reaching it - despite the fact that all the women everywhere seem to try reaching it, and these comments I found on a blog post discussing the matter:
“As clitoral stimulation is generally the only way women have ever been able to orgasm, each and every sexually active woman in the history of the world has come to realization that penetration doesn’t result in female orgasm.”
“Penetrative, penis-in-vagina missionary sex is the least controversial, the most heteronormative, and therefore, probably the most practiced kind and position. That it really isn’t conducive to women coming isn’t really important, since most men can, and in this culture the pursuit of male sexual satisfaction is probably our number one hobby. Hence, the cognitive dissonance: women want to come using a method that they know doesn’t promote results, but it’s the norm, it’s the standard, dudes like it and get off on it, so they try, sometimes in vain, anyway. And then when they can’t, because it’s kind of physically difficult sometimes, they’re diagnosed as frigid by handsome television doctors and are encouraged to take medication for a problem they don’t actually have. And then they’re probably goaded into anal sex, which definitely doesn’t cause a female orgasm, but boy howdy is it fun for the dudes! And, really, when you think about it? Getting a dude off is reward enough, isn’t it, ladies?”
“When sex and its parameters are limited to the male experience, is it no wonder both men and women are ignorant about ‘where’ the female orgasm is achieved? Apart from that, penetration is fun and pleasurable for dudes. It can be fun and pleasurable for women, as well, but it sure as fuck isn’t absolutely going to result in an orgasm for her, whereas it invariably will for him. And if the clitoris only requires a willing hand (or tongue) and if women can get off without men, well, fucking hell. Isn’t that emasculating, that dudes aren’t, like, necessary sometimes? Better to keep the whole thing a secret, then: ‘women who can’t orgasm from a dick have a psychological problem, end of.’”
I know that at least in some parts of U.S.A. sexual information given in schools can be a little misinforming or it is not given at all, but I still feel these claims are a little exaggerated. I’ll tell a little about my experiences on the matter: I haven’t read one single Cosmo (I buy them maybe two times a year when they’re two-for-one sale just for laughs) nor a sex article from the Internet without it at some point telling me how clitoral stimulation is extremely important. Every sex position guide I’ve ever read always emphasizes how important it is that the clitoris can get stimulation in every position by a leg, a pelvic bone, even by hand if needed. Vaginal orgasm is merely handled as an option - “you can try it, but there’s no promising you’ll succeed, so don’t feel depressed if you don’t”. I actually remember how I was in eighth grade (I was fourteen) and we had this Sex Day in our school, and there were a class just teaching us how important foreplay was before sex, especially for a woman, and how penetration isn’t needed for good sex - including tips how to give a woman oral sex without fear of diseases, because clitoral stimulation is very important.
I already talked about this with couple of my friends who usually share very similar views with me; the other found this infuriating, the other one thought is a little weird, but not the worst thing she’s seen. What really pissed me off most was the fact that unlike the men-controlled culture who see the women unable to have vaginal orgasms as abnormal, these women actually seem to think women capable of having these orgasms are abnormal, or even “wrong”. I can’t describe the rage I felt when these women made the claim that a real woman knows vaginal orgasm is impossible. A real woman who knows herself doesn’t get an orgasm from penetration, because that’s what men want her to do. On top of that, they made the assumption that anal sex is merely a way of pleasuring the man, and never gives a real woman an orgasm nor any pleasure. They even seem to indicate that orgasm is the only thing that matters in sex, and that penetrative sex might not give woman any pleasure at all - after all, if the only thing that penetrative (anal) sex can give a woman is the satisfaction of getting a dude off, I don’t see how there’s a room for any pleasure of the sex itself. It’s not enough that they hate men, now they’re hating women who like men too.
The second thing was the conversation about enhancing your looks, more specifically, shaving your hair. Oh yes, I’m talking about the pubic hair business. I happened to stumble upon a LiveJournal entry about the matter, where women were bashing shaved vaginas a little too crudely for my taste.
“I agree with you completely, but I’ve given up arguing with the pube shavers. None of them do it for fashion, they all thought of it completely independantly. They can feel their pubic hair, you see, not like the rest of us, they have super sensitive vulvas. They look so hot, with their stubbly crotches with zits and ingrown hairs, it makes them feel sexy. “
Okay, I can understand that it’s a private place for angry feminists to lose their shit because the beauty standards and patriarch is ruining their lives. But oh my god, it’s not a damn excuse to make fun of and slander shaving women, or say that liking hairless women is something a pedophile would do. They tell that we shouldn’t shower everyday, that normal bodily functions and odors are normal. When blood gets tangled in pubic hair, they say to shower everyday. So… what CAN I do?
Yes, I’m a “shaver”. I shave my arm pits and my crotch - not my legs that often, because that doesn’t make any sense and isn’t in any way useful. I get a terrible headache from the smell of sweat (my own and others), and hair makes the smell multiple times worse. If that’s not bad enough, my skin gets irritated by my own sweat, and it’s not only in the arm pits, on a hot summer day, every little fold in my body (like the skin behind my knee etc.) that sweats gets irritated. I can’t shower every day, because that irritates my skin even more. So what do I do? I shave my hair off, because they make the problem even worse. And no, I’ve never had any problem with any kind of rash, zits or ingrown hairs. Never. Okay, I once had an unpleasant experience with home waxing, which resulted in an amazingly sexy “acne look” on my mons pubis, but that was because the wax only partially pulled the hairs off, not removed them completely, so there was an inflammation, but that got better when I pulled all the damaged hairs off with pincers. Never had the same problem with sugaring, that was quite easy and painless, actually. I think the problem was partially because of all the chemicals and perfumes, my skin really doesn’t like those at all.
“The thing about pussy-waxing that bothers ME the most is you’re made to look like a little girl; I get a strong pedophile vibe from males who “prefer” this look, and that plus thinness (that is, lacking in strength) and the wearing of clothes you can’t move in (high heels, short skirts) smacks of a place some want women to be kept in.”
“1. why people would WANT their vag’s to be all hairless and exposed. It’s way less attractive that way and kind of sad looking, and it’s so prepubescent.
These women are trying to change and destroy the unrealistic beauty expectations - by telling that something is not attractive. So it is better to do something that is more attractive - because they think so. Nobody tells men they are less men if they shave their beards. Why is it that women are considered less women without hair? Kissing a man with facial hair is uncomfortable, and I do tell my boyfriend that, so why should I expect my boyfriend to stuff his face in my labia if it’s full of hair?
To claim that shaving pubic hair is somewhat a new invention is another thing - there are numerous examples in the history where shaving pubic hair has been the norm. Sugaring has been used for 3900 years. Even Quran prefers removing body hair, and I seriously doubt it’s because of the 90’s.
And I really need to point out that I feel quite pissed off by that innuendo that skinny women can’t be powerful (i.e., empowered) - like fatter women can. I’m just making a wild guess here, but I think those fitness girls training daily are a bit stronger than those “big girls” with more body mass.
Come at me bro. I’d love to hear your arguments how I’m merely a pitiful poor woman brainwashed by the patriarch.